God’s Love will save all those who cry out to Him
God called me to my deepest valley when I was 27 years old. Three years earlier, the Father had spoken a word of Prophecy to me that He would take away my life and then give it back again. His promise of healing gave me hope through my seven year illness. In 1981 I came home from work and my leg began to swell out to about twice its size. I went to the doctor and he told me that I could go to the hospital but it probably would be a waste of money because there was a good chance that I would be dead by the next day (I went back to see the doctor seven years later to tell him that I had survived but I was informed that he had passed away). The swelling spread to my other leg and then to my whole body. My liver and kidneys stopped functioning properly and I was filled with yellow jaundice. My body was swollen with fluid and my weight went from about 175 to about 500 pounds. The poisons filled my body stopped most body functions. The food could no longer break down in my stomach, and it would rot in my digestive tract and then pass through me undigested. My stomach was so swollen that I was often afraid that it would burst. I would chew the same piece of meat in my mouth for hours because I lacked enzymes in my body to break it down. I developed severe insomnia and I was able to sleep only a couple hours a week for the next 7 years. I lived at night and I never came outside during the day. The pain in my body was nearly unbearable and I had the strength to face only one second at a time. I was too weak to even think that the suffering would continue in the future. Jesus gave me the Grace to endure the suffering. He bore the pain for me and He carried me through these darkest times. All Glory goes to Him!
My body stopped functioning but my spirit soared with God. The Word teaches: "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed every day." 2 Corinthians 4:16. The Scriptures teach us to live by faith: "because we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are seen are transient, but the thing that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18 My body was wasting away but my inner nature was being renewed by the Lord. During this time, the Father revealed Himself to me in an amazing way. He also opened my eyes to see the spiritual realm that is usually hidden behind a veil. My body was nearly dead but my spirit was alive with God. Like John, I was called through the door into the spiritual world that is usually hidden from our eyes. Revelation Chapter 4. The Lord allowed me to see the great spiritual battle that is going on around us in these end times. The illness took away my body, mind and mental health but my spiritual awareness was greatly intensified. I was dead in the flesh and alive in the Spirit.
As I walked in the Spirit, my body continued to waste away from the results of the sickness. I went through my savings account and lived in total poverty. I wore old clothes that I found in a dumpster behind a local thrift store. By God's grace I lived many years with little money and no government assistance. God was always there faithfully carrying me through the darkest times. Sometimes I went a week at a time without eating. The fluid made me look overweight, but in fact I was starving to death. I wandered the streets at 500 pounds filled with poison. People would walk to the other side of the street to avoid me. Others would mock and laugh at my size, appearance and smell. No one ever stopped to help me. I felt like more of an animal than a human. One day I stood starving for food outside a grocery store with 11 cents in my pocket watching people buy 50 pounds bags of dog food. At that point I wished that I was a dog so that someone would have compassion on me and give me some food. Note: for the past 22 years I have been called to work with the homeless and inmates in Jails. I now understood what it feels like to be treated as less then human. I seek to treat them with dignity and respect because they are all loved by God. We are all called to serve the least of these as if they were Jesus. Matthew 25:31.46.
At 27 years old the illness caused my hair to turn gray and fall out. I felt like every molecule of my body had been destroyed. I was so weak that I was unable to read even one line in a book. Gradually, I lost my ability to read and write. I was able to walk only a couple steps at a time. Somehow in this condition I had to find money to live. By God's Grace I survived without any human assistance. I lived at night when the outside temperatures outside were down to 20 below zero in the winter.
Jesus carried me through this illness for 7 years. My liver and kidneys stopped functioning and my immune system was very weak. The poisons that filled my body began to destroy my brain cells. After several years I began to loose all memory of my past. I had 2 college degrees, but I no longer knew that 2 + 2 = 4. I had spent 27 years learning many things that were now lost in a few months. I was once a top athlete but the illness made it difficult to walk even a couple steps. My appearance was so changed that I became unrecognizable. My "friends" deserted me and offered no assistance. The poisons were coming out of me in the form of sweat and I smelled like rotten flesh. People would avoid me because of my appearance, size, clothes and the odor of my body. In this world I felt like a dead man walking, but by the Grace of God I still walked with Him in the Spirit. My eyes were yellow from the jaundice and I was extremely malnourished. My legs were in constant pain and frequently cramped up. I had several heart attacks from the malnutrition and lack of potassium. My memory was erased and I had forgotten who I was and what I had done in my past. I lived one day at a time in "survival mode" for 7 years.
The chemicals in my body also caused me to become seriously mentally ill. I was severely depressed and I felt that I had fallen into a deep pit. I was very angry and paranoid so that I viewed this world as a system designed to starve me to death. I developed OCD and lived by many rituals and routines. I was alone and abandoned but I still had my faith in God and His promise to heal me. I had no medical insurance, no doctors, no friends or family support but God was with me. I cleaved to Him. I could not save myself- only God could deliver me. Surely, the Lord is near to all those who call upon Him!
God Heals my Body and Mind
At the Father's appointed time, He sent His Spirit into my seemingly lifeless body I stood up on my feet. The Spirit breathed life into my "dead body" and I was raised from the grave. Ezekiel 37.11-13. He miraculously sent some money to me in the mail to provide for my needs. The promised time of healing and resurrection had finally come! For the next several years the Father caused the fluids to be expelled from my body at a rate of about 70 pounds a year. Gradually, He taught me how to walk again and I began to practice every day to regain my strength. I remember the day that I made it up a small 100 foot hill. I was so excited- it seemed like I had climbed Mount Everest. For several years the Father took me back through my childhood to restore to me the memory of my previous life. My Heavenly Father who had created me still remembered who I was. (see Psalms Chapter 139). Gradually, He healed my body, mind and soul until I was a new creation in Christ.
The Father restored my personality and He taught how to do all the sports and activities that I had previously done in my youth. I started to ski, hike, cross country ski, motorcycle ride and bike ride again. At the beginning of this process of healing, my body was still weak and filled with fluid. Gradually, the Father gave me back my life in the mountains and I walked with Him again in His Glorious Creation. Truly, the Lord is a God of miracles and healing.
The Father restored to me what I had learned in 20 years of school. I began to study some GED books and He helped me to relearn how to read, write and do basic math. Father chose not to restore my complete memory, but He gave me back what He wanted me to remember. Gradually, I began to talk, think and learn again. The Lord was my doctor, physical therapist and my psychiatrist. The Father breathed life into me and raised me from the dead. I had been crucified with Christ but now He lived in me forever! We serve a truly amazing God!
The Father Heals my Heart
The psychological healing took several years. I had developed many serious mental problems during the illness: severe depression, paranoia, schizophrenia, anger and bitterness. I felt rejected and alone as I laid in my room of suffering. I also developed severe PTSD from the trauma of my illness. God revealed to me that He wanted to heal the hurt and anger that was in my heart. He said that I had roots of bitterness growing inside me from all the cruelty and suffering that I have experienced. The Father began expose what was in my heart by revealing the causes of my anger. When some current event triggered my anger, God would then reveal to me the causes of the bitterness that had been hidden from my view. He then gave me the choice to forgive and be set free, or hold on to the resentment and be miserable. The healing of my heart took years because the roots of bitterness had accumulated for most of my life. God's light exposed the darkness and I chose let go and be healed. Ephesians 5:8-13. He restored my life and then called me to minister to broken and hurting people. The Father showed me that I would be able to comfort people that were suffering with the comfort that God had comforted me during my illness. 2 Corinthians 1:3-6. Looking back, I can see God's plan and purpose in these years of suffering.
The Cross is God’s Plan
The Cross is the center of God's plan to restore all things unto Him. I prayed to know Him and He showed me that my flesh(sinful nature) was hindering me from seeing Him clearly. I asked Him to crucify the flesh and remove anything in me that was not of Him. I wanted to go through the fire to be refined so that Christ would be manifested in me. 2 Corinthians 4:7-11. God disciplines the sons He loves. Hebrews 12:5-11. This verse became a reality for me: "I am crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loves me and gave Himself for Me." Galatians 2.20. In my previous life, I had lived to do my own will in the flesh but now Christ lived in me to do God's will in the Spirit. The old man has died and Christ now lives! Hallelujah! Great is the mystery of God's ways! I stand in awe of Christ who accomplished all things on the Cross! Christ now lives in us in obedience to the Father. I couldn't obey Him in the flesh, but now Christ in me does what is pleasing to the Father. I pray that every day there will be less of me and more of Him in my life. I want Him to live through me, speak through me and walk with the Father through me. Through Christ we can now have victory over the flesh and sin! I still fall far short of His glory every day but I am amazed that Christ is able to work through me for His Glory!
Truly God is Good! (excerpts from In Pursuit of God)